Bowl Preview: Capital One Bowl

Capital One Bowl
Florida Citrus Bowl, Orlando
LSU vs. Penn State
Date: Jan. 1
Time: 1 p.m.
TV: ABC
Line: Penn State -2

About Penn State (10-2): Joe Paterno will claim his greatest victory after Friday's game, having outlasted that dastardly Bobby Bowden. Paterno, 145, will coach again next year unless someone forgets to recharge his animatronic soul over the summer. The Nits are okay. Decent defense but the offense struggles to run the ball which puts too much on Darryl Clark at quarterback.

Intangibles:
Non-conference schedule: -3
White Out: +1
Isn't anything involving students at Penn State a "white" out?: -2

About LSU (9-3): Les Miles is quickly wearing out his welcome in Baton Rouge, losing three games this year (including one in stunningly stupid fashion.) LSU is all over the place inconsistent. Sometimes they can run the ball, sometimes they can't. Sometimes they play great defense, some times they don't.

Intangibles:
Tiguh Bayyt: -2
Game clock, Les: -3
The Hat: +3

Impact player: Penn State RB Evan Royster. PSU has to run the ball. HAS TO.

Bowl slogan: "Citrus? Pfft. This country was founded on high-interest debt for people who can't afford it!"

Little known fact: I attended the 1993 Citrus Bowl. Somewhere in that little lake outside the stadium probably still reside some possessions of mine.

Watchability (1-5): 4.3

The pick: LSU 24, PSU 17

Bowl Preview: Rose Bowl

Rose Bowl
Rose Bowl, Pasadena, Calif.
Penn State vs. USC
Date: Jan. 1
Time: 4:30 p.m.
TV: ABC
Line: USC -9

About Penn State: Joe Paterno is old. He’s still coaching. Blah, blah, blah. Whatever. Defensive coordinator Tom Bradley should have been named Big 10 coach of the year. He’s the actual coach of this team. Anyway, the Nits are decent. Not really weak in any one area. But I find them boring.

Intangibles:
Obsession with aging Italian man: -5
Mount Nittany: +3
College Station State College Park Town: -3
Driving to College Station State College Park Town: -6

About USC: The Trojans are annually the greatest team in the history of organized football that never play for the national championship cause they fuck it up against some crap-ass Pac-10 team. Then Pete Carroll goes into his annual sob routine about how it’s not fair. Tough crap, Petey. Anyway, they’re good – again. Defense especially. Probably not the offense they’ve had but they’ll do.

Intangibles:
Song Girls: +5
Compton campus: -3
That bleeping fight song: -4
Sideline celebrity parade: -2

Impact Player: Penn State QB Darryl Clark must play a decent game and try not to crap down his leg like most Big 10 Qbs have done against the Trojans.

Bowl slogan: “Enjoy the parade. It’s usually more competitive than the game.”

Little known fact: USC is cheating. Dammit, they have to be cheating, don’t they? Cause this is getting annoying.

Watchability (1-5): 4

The Pick: USC 27, Penn State 21