Bowl Preview: Humanitarian Bowl

Humanitarian Bowl
Bronco Stadium, Boise, Id.
Maryland vs. Nevada
Date: Dec. 30
Time: 4:30 p.m.
TV: ESPN
Line: Nevada –2.5

About Nevada: The Wolfpack hails from Reno and have wins over tremendous programs such as Grambling and Utah State. They managed to hold Missouri to 69 points. They’re already 1-0 in the state of Idaho, beating the Vandals, 49-14. I guess their best win is over Fresno State. Except that win isn’t that big of a deal.


Intangibles:
Casinos in Reno: +3
Rest of Reno: -5
Near Lake Tahoe: +6
Near rest of Nevada: -4

About Maryland: This team was so inconsistent, they should be on meds for bipolar disorder. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde would be offended to be compared to these loonies. Just when you thought they were going to be awful, they’d win a few. Then you’d think they were going to win, they’d lose to some suckass team. It was enough to drive Ralph Friedgen to eat … even more, I mean.

Intangibles:
Coach nicknamed “Fridge’: +2
Six fans traveling to Idaho: -1
Must protect their house: -3
School colors are red, yellow, black, white, green and blue: -2


Impact Player: Either Maryland QB Jordan Steffy or Maryland QB Chris Turner. I’m not sure which one starts any more. Whichever one it is – he should not suck if the Terps want to win. Or it could be WAC Offensive Player of the Year Nevada QB Colin Pumpernickle, er Copperhead, er.. Kamameajingleheimerschmidt. That guy. He’s pretty good.

Bowl slogan: “We didn’t expect you to come, either.”

Little known fact: That blue field annoys the crap out of me.

Watchability (1-5): 2.3

The Pick: Nevada 24, Maryland 23

Bowl Preview: Papajohns.com Bowl

Papajohns.com Bowl
Legion Field, Birmingham, Ala.
Rutgers vs. N.C. State
Date: Dec. 29
Time: 3 p.m.
TV: ESPN
Line: Rutgers –6.5

About Rutgers: Ray Rice is in the NFL, which means that his crazy Mom who wore the helmet and got her mug on TV every time he carried the ball is also gone. Thank God for small miracles. The Scarlet Knights started out the season as if they were unfamiliar with the game of football and the rules and regulations, losing frequently. By the end of the year, they were pretty damn good. That pains me to say because people from Rutgers are generally obnoxious.

Intangibles:
The Sopranos: +4
Coach looks like muscle guy from The Sopranos: +2
Not New York: -41


About N.C. State: Tom O’Brien has all the personality of a mayonnaise sandwich. SOB can coach though. At the beginning of the year, NC State knew one play. They ran it a lot. By the end of the season, they knew something like four plays. Now that’s progress. O’Brien has been good enough to take the Pack’s fans minds off of basketball.

Intangibles:
Research Triangle: -4
Not Duke, UNC or Wake: -3
Not arrogant like Duke, UNC or Wake: +3
Fired Coach Soprano: +2


Impact Player: Rutgers QB Mike Teel. There are times when Mike Teel looks like the worst QB to pick up a football since Chris Rix. Then there were the last six games of the season. Which one shows up? Got me.

Bowl slogan: “Have fun at the game and lock up when you’re done, y’all. Saban radio show is on that day.”

Little known fact: It took years of negotiation for the Papajohns.com Bowl to land the coveted Monday afternoon TV slot, competing with Oprah reruns. nice move, dickwads.

Little Known Fact #2: Papa Johns pizza is not good. At all. But if you dip it in that garlic sauce they send you, it's edible.

Watchability (1-5): 4

The Pick: Rutgers 27, N.C. State 21