Bowl Preview: Meineke Car Care

Meineke Car Care Bowl
Bank of America Stadium, Charlotte
West Virginia vs. North Carolina
Date: Dec. 27
Time: 1 p.m.
TV: ESPN
Line: West Virginia –1.5

About West Virginia: Gov. Joe Manchin is in his second year as head coach of the Mountaineers, calling plays by remote control through his animatronic puppet Bill Stewart. Manchin favors plays that let the greatest rushing quarterback in school history throw the ball quite a bit and not getting the ball to Noel Devine because he tends to score “too fast” and not give the defense a chance to rest up. He also likes his coach to be homespun and friendly and slightly racist – kind of like the rest of West Virginia. Rumors abound that if Stewart wins this game, Manchin will name him Attorney General.

Intangibles:
Weirton: -5
Snowshoe: +5
Borders Ohio: +10
Borders Kentucky: -8
Flaming davenports: +2

About North Carolina: (Full disclosure: I’m a Browns fan. F*ck Butch Davis.) That being said, the Tar Heels reminded me a lot of the Butch Browns – inconsistent as hell. Wipe out Rutgers, knock off Miami, get crushed by rival NC State at home. At least he can’t draft William Green.

Intangibles:
Cool unis: +5
Slightly gay unis: -5
Tyler Hansbrough: -4 (THAT’S AN OFFENSIVE FOUL, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD)
The Carl Torbush era: -2

Impact Player: Jock Sanders. I just think it’s funny his name is “Jock.” He’s one of that army of midget RBs and WRs WVU runs out on the field and they run around like Dorothy’s house just crashlanded in their backyard.

Bowl slogan: “At least it’s not UConn and Navy. That sucked.”

Little known fact: The last two times these teams met in a bowl, UNC won 20-13 in the 1997 Gator Bowl. The game MVP was UNC quarterback Oscar Davenport. Now, that’s a little known fact, mofos.

Watchability (1-5): 3.5

The Pick: North Carolina 21, WVU 20

Blame game in Mo-Town

What's going on in Morgantown these days is straight from a Coen Brothers' movie. Starring as the clueless, but always smiling football coach Simple Bill Stewart. Co-starring as the brain-dead boss One-step-out-the-door Eddie Pastilong.

Anyone who wants to blame Simple Bill for the disaster taking place at WVU is just looking at the surface. The real problem is Eddie.

Blame him for the emotional, late-night hire of Stewart following the Mountaineers Fiesta Bowl victory in January.

Blame him for not being smart enough to realize that WVU had become big-time football and could attract a much-more talented stable of potential coaches (no that doesn't include Terry Bowden).

Blame him for caving to the pressure of the players and probably from Gov. Manchin.

Because WVU officials allowed him to remain in Morgantown for about 20 years longer than he should have no one should be surprised by the story in today's Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. At least the PG doesn't cow tow to WVU and they go after stories. Read this and you'll see a lot of good ol' Mountaineers aren't too happy.

One thing is crystal clear about Stewart and Pastilong: "You two're just dumber'n a bag of hammers."