Bowl Preview: MAACO Las Vegas Bowl

MAACO Las Vegas Bowl
Sam Boyd Stadium, Las Vegas
Oregon State vs. BYU
Date: Dec. 22
Time: 8 p.m.
TV: ESPN (who else?)
Line: Oregon State -2.5

About the Beavers: For the second straight year the Beavers were a game away from the Rose Bowl. Last year they ended up in El Paso. This year, Vegas. A slight step up. OSU is led by a pair of midget brothers, Jacquizz and James. Seriously, how do you name one kid James and the other JACQUIZZ. Either both the kids get crazy names or neither.

Intangibles:
"Beaver" jokes: +1
Mike Riley as coach: +3
Mike Riley as Chargers coach: -4

About BYU: The only school in Division I that has a coach named after a horse (Bronco Mendenhall), BYU once again beat the living beJezus out of the crap-ass dog teams on its schedule, such as Utah State, San Diego State and Oklahoma. Although the Cougars did beat rival Utah, but losing to FSU — at home? Ouch. Makes you want to take a two-year mission to Australia.

Intangibles:
Special underwear: +2
No caffeine, alcohol, tobacco or cursing: -6
Mormonism/Scientology possibly same religion?: -2

Impact Player: BYU QB Max Hall. In the grand tradition of former BYU quarterbacks such as Steve Young, Robbie Bosco, Ty Detmer and Marc Wilson, Hall should try to not be a complete dog in the bowl game. Especially Detmer who has both shoulders separated by Texas A&M after winning the Heisman. Ha. Both shoulders. That still makes me giggle. Does that make me a bad person?

Bowl slogan: "What stays in Vegas is your money, suckers."

Little Known Fact: One of the sponsors of the Las Vegas Bowl is a ventriloquist named Terry Fator, who has a puppet named "Winston, the Impersonating Turtle." Sinatra would be proud.

Watchability (1-5): 3

The Pick: BYU 29, Oregon State 24

Bowl Preview: Brut Sun Bowl

Brut Sun Bowl
Sun Bowl Stadium, El Paso, Tx.
Oregon State vs. Pittsburgh
Date: Dec. 31
Time: 2 p.m.
TV: CBS
Line: Oregon State -2.5

About Oregon State: The Beavers almost went to the Rose Bowl. Heck, they even beat USC. Instead, they're in El Paso for the holidays. Although, I guess when you're from Corvallis, El Paso doesn't seem so bad.

Intangibles:
Mike Riley is a really nice guy: +2
Mike Riley is your coach: -2
Dennis Erickson era: -4
Chad Johnson "attended" OSU: -3
Beating USC: +4

About Pittsburgh: Dave Wannstedt took over his alma mater and has quickly led them all the way to El Paso. With the exception of RB LeSean McCoy, who somehow let Wannstedt waste his talent at Pitt, the Panthers are so boring it hurts.

Intangibles:
Peppi's North Side: +8
The 'Stache: +3
Play in Heinz Field, not near campus: -4
Pierogies: +2

Impact player: Jacquizz and James Rodgers will have the biggest impact, since neither of these miraculous midgets is playing for Oregon State. That hurts. Much like their tiny, tiny shoulders.

Little Known Fact: The Village People are performing at halftime (absolutely freaking true). Between that and the reek of Brut, this should be the Studio 54 Bowl.

The Pick: Pitt 24, Oregon State 17